It's funny how easy it is to pack your whole life into a suitcase. It gets easier the less stuff you have, and the more often you move. You realise that you don't actually need that much, and also, what is most important to you - my one suitcase, this time round, holds just a few clothes, a lot of art, and more books. So einfach als das.
I suppose I feel the same way about this blog. It's strange that I haven't written in here for so long, because the last few months have been amongst the most important and revelatory of my whole life. I found eden. I lost it. I lost myself. I found myself. I found a lot of strange other things. I found poison. I found beauty. I fell down the rabbit hole. I fell in love
These are all things that I want - actually, NEED - to write about. But I don't think it will be here. I will, though, and soon - I'll leave a signpost here, when I do. (just follow the yellow brick road)
But for now - looking back over the last year, it becomes evident that by the summer, despite my best wishes and desperation to find overt meaning/purpose/validation/whatever, my life had descended by summer 2011 into a total postmodern narrative breakdown. I picked up the pieces and started to build something new. What I found, made me realise that what I had (in my infinite, humanistic egoism) thought to be the great epic of my life was in fact just the prologue. One day, I will tell the rest of my story - but for now, I am busy living it. Often precarious, sometimes homeless, but I feel more alive now than I ever did before
Since I was old enough to even begin to understand a little of how things worked, I always felt sad, somehow, in a deep and aching way - because I saw that there was something wrong, some sickness in our world; and worse than that, deep down, I don't think I ever thought that it was something that we could fix. These last few months have been the first time when I truly believed that change was possible. That there ARE solutions. I still think that, but I also realise now just how difficult making that change can be. But still, I think it is something worth fighting for.
I see my fellow human beings - people I love - my tribe - so miserable, and unhappy, because they do not realise that they are in a cage. I suppose how I see it is; none of us can break anyone out of that cage. No one has the right to do that. Alls we can do is to let others see the bars. And try to make what lies outside of the cage so wonderful that they are not afraid to take that step, and see what lies beyond
adios, und viel liebe zu dir xxxxxxx